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From the roadrunner wiki page:
Roadrunners are omnivores and are opportunistic. Their diet normally consists of insects (such as grasshoppers, crickets, caterpillars, and beetles), small reptiles (such as lizards and snakes, including rattlesnakes), rodents and small mammals, tarantulas, scorpions, centipedes, spiders, snails, small birds, eggs, nestlings, and fruits and seeds like prickly pear cactus and sumac. The lesser roadrunner eats mainly insects. Roadrunners forage on the ground and, when hunting, usually run after prey from under cover. They may leap to catch insects, and commonly batter certain prey, such as snakes, against the ground.
Geococcyx is the only real predator of the tarantula hawk wasps.

Ok, this bird kicks butt. Never underestimate a roadrunner versus lizards and insects.

The bird just beat up hornets, I think it can handle a nut.

This years mascot hopes will largely hinge on UAB’s performance. They are the Blazers and their mascot is a dragon. Unless they run into Gael Force One (which they don’t) they are a lock to the final 4. GO UAB!

For the first time in the history of the mascots a tree is advancing out of round one. Syracuse did themselves a major disservice changing from the Orangemen to the Orange. Men cut down trees. Colors… well I think we’ve decided if you can’t do better than a color for a mascot you’re not getting very far in our tourney.

The Michael Vick matchup of round one. In poor taste, yes, but someone had to say it.

Round of 32

Sweet 16

Elite 8

WEST

Yar! What be that off the port bow? HOLY $&*%! DEVILS!

A final four team from last year with a kick butt mascot returns! Give me a giant golden grizzly bear in a fight every time!

See last years column. A bearcat is some sort of weird made up animal. We give the nod to the actual animal.

Round of 32

Sweet 16

Poor Oakland with a tough draw this year. Even a fierce golden animal is no match for a demonic force. On a positive note we won’t have to have this final four pick eliminated in round one again this year.

For those of you keeping track at home in the past three rounds the SDSU Aztecs have defeated Nittany Lions, Tigers, and Bears. Oh my!

Elite 8

Montezuma, you’re not in Tenochtitlan anymore.

SOUTHWEST

It’s an adjective battle! Fightin’ >> Runnin’ so Illinois wins.

I always love seeing who Purdue draws. It’s always amusing to think about a battle between an ironworker with a sledgehammer and some other object. In this case Purdue Pete has to battle a Peacock. Pete wins.

Always a debate whether Aggies are armed humans like ranchers on the range or just farmers. In this case A&M’s mascot is a border collie. Indians defeat border collies.

Notre Dame always inspires a great deal of debate come mascot time. Are they violent Irish people? Are they leprechauns? Are they drunk?

This year they drew the Akron Zips who were originally named for Zippers (a major industry in Akron, Ohio in the 1900s). They have changed their name to the Zips and now have a kangaroo for a mascot. In the end we chose Akron for three reasons:

1) We think a kangaroo could outbox a leprechaun.
2) We’ve been in our share of Irish bar bathrooms late at night and let’s just say it’s clear sometimes the zipper wins.
3) We hate Notre Dame

Round of 32

Sweet 16

Navy versus dugout canoes? No contest.

Seminoles have access to gunpowder historically. Two thousand years + gunpowder is a huge advantage.

Elite 8

SOUTHEAST

With this exception of St. Johns this entire bracket features armed humans, humans, and animals so we decided to fight it out gladiator style one on one in a huge pit.

Old Dominion’s mascot is a lion.

Utah State’s mascot is a giant blue ox. Plus there is historical precedent for ranchers/farmers defeating wildcats.

Much like Syracuse did themselves a disservice, St. Johns got a ton stronger when they went from the Redmen to the Red Storm including a new mascot, the Thunderbird. SJU is the clear favorite in this bracket of animals and humans.

I guess being a desperate middleaged Mormon housewife is not against the honor code. Oh, you mean they’re fierce cats? Well they still defeat terriers.

We determined that these South American ranchers are not heavily armed but were resourceful enough to take care of animal issues.

Round of 32

Sweet 16

Elite 8

FINAL FOUR

In the end the demonic force is unstoppable, even for a dragon.

In the end the Naval Commander and his ships are taken out by the Red Storm/Thunderbird/mystical creature.

Finals

In an otherworldly battle between the Duke Blue Devils and the St. Johns Red Storm we like Duke to win it all (as we always do). It’s a shame, because we don’t really like Duke but it’s hard to argue against their mascot unless they run into something from the priesthood.

Until next year, happy tourney time!